Episode 64: [Coaching Call] Connecting Your Voice and Your Heart with Lisa DeLuca

Today I’m talking to Lisa DeLuca, a talented therapist who has wanted to transition into the coaching profession for years. On this coaching call we explore her big vision and plans for her business and the external and internal obstacles that have emerged over the years.
Lisa DeLuca Coach with Clarity Podcast

64: [Coaching Call] Connecting Your Voice and Your Heart with Lisa DeLuca

Coaching calls are a pretty special part of the podcast because they give me an opportunity to connect one-on-one with a listener and provide some targeted coaching to serve them in their business and in their life. For today's coaching call, I'm honored to introduce Lisa DeLuca, a talented therapist who has wanted to transition into the coaching profession for years.

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Show Notes

Coaching calls are a pretty special part of the podcast because they give me an opportunity to connect one-on-one with a listener and provide some targeted coaching to serve them in their business and in their life.

For today’s coaching call, I’m honored to introduce Lisa DeLuca, a talented therapist who has wanted to transition into the coaching profession for years. For a long time, Lisa has had a big vision of how she wants her business to grow. She's held on to those plans for years but there have also been some external and internal obstacles that have emerged along the way, both of which we explore in this call.

Lisa came to this session with such a willingness to go deep and be vulnerable and by the end, both she and I were moved by the journey. This was such a powerful coaching call and I can’t wait to see what Lisa creates next.

Topics covered

  • Why Lisa wants to expand into the field of coaching
  • The reasons Lisa has been stuck in planning mode for the past few years
  • Family, work, and personal factors competing for Lisa’s time
  • The values that coaching represents for Lisa
  • What it means to speak from the loudspeaker of your heart
  • Taking a gradual approach to building up a coaching practice
  • Utilizing external accountability to get unstuck
  • The benefit of giving yourself some flexibility
  • Working through the internal aspects of feeling stuck

Resources mentioned

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TRANSCRIPT

 

Well, hello, my friend. Welcome to the Coach with Clarity Podcast. I'm your host, Lee Chaix McDonough and I am so excited to have you joining me for today's coaching call. Now coaching calls are a pretty special part of the podcast, because it's an opportunity for me to connect one on one with a listener, and provide some targeted coaching to serve them in their business and in their life. And today, I am honored to introduce you to Lisa DeLuca. Lisa is a talented therapist who has wanted to move into the coaching profession for years. It is such an extension of how she works and who she is. Lisa has held on to some big plans and some big dreams for several years now. But there have been a few obstacles that have emerged, both external obstacles and internal ones. And you are going to hear how we explore both of them in this call. And I have to tell you, this was a powerful coaching call. I think in the end, both Lisa and I were deeply moved by the journey she went on with me during this call. And I am so grateful to Lisa for her willingness to go deep to explore. I cannot wait to see what she creates next. And I am so very excited and honored to share with you my coaching call with Lisa DeLuca.

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Lee: Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for coming on the Coach with Clarity Podcast. I'm so excited to have you today.

Lisa: I'm just so happy to be here. And I really appreciate the opportunity Lee. Thank you.

Lee: You're so welcome, it's my pleasure. So let's get right to it. What would you like to focus on during our time together today?

Lisa: Okay, good question. So, I've been a therapist for many years now and I have two motivations. One is, I just feel really passionate about the need out there and the message that I have to deliver. I'm not the only one. You know, there's many of us out there. But it's a really important message that I think isn't out there enough. Especially like over the past year or two. I've been saying, “Why aren't mental health professionals out there speaking out more about things?”. So I think it's an empowering message and I just want to reach more people. Like, I started increasing my client load and seeing more people, and more people, and more people. But then of course that leads to burnout. And I realized that a lot of what I do is coaching, and there's a whole world of people who won't need to consult a therapist, but do want help in their lives. And this message that I work with my clients on is a message for everybody, not just people with a mental health diagnosis. So I've been wanting to expand my reach using social media so that I can replicate myself, because I can only work for so many hours in a week. So I want to be able to expand my reach by utilizing video, media, and things like that. Like I said, I just see so many needs out there. I just want to try and feel the need, and also financially. You know, I'm getting older and saving for retirement, which is right around the corner. So I also want to be able to expand my income, I don't want it limited by how many people I can see in a week.

Lee: So, I think what I'm hearing in everything you've shared, is this idea of expansion. And I know that's a word that you use several times: expanding your reach, expanding your impact, expanding your income. And that's such a powerful motivator for moving forward. And it sounds like you have a big message too, that you want to share with the world. Before we get into that though, I want to take a step back and ask you at the end of our time together today, what would you like to walk away with?

 Lisa: Okay, that's a great question. Because here's the part I left out. For a couple of years now, I've been putting down my ideas on how to do this, how to reach out, what's my message, who I want to speak to, what I want to say, etc. And some of these ideas date back like twenty or thirty years ago, that I had when I was first starting out. Those messages are still relevant. But for the past few years, I've been trying to work on this. But I also need to continue working full time in my psychotherapy practice, because I'm paying college bills for my kids and things like that. So I just find that I'm stuck. Like I did identify steps like, “Okay, just one step at a time. Do this thing, develop this training. That's going to be the basis for this book. That's going to be the basis for these offerings that you could put on here or here”. So I have some of that sketched out, but I've had it for three years now. And I just find I'm not jump-started. Things are in my way: time, fatigue, family responsibilities. And I just really, really struggle with prioritizing this, making it happen. Even though in my mind, it's all I think about. It's like the biggest priority for me. But yet, just actually kick starting it. And I think part of the problem is that maybe I don't really believe that I could really make this happen. That I can really shift gears and start something brand new that I've never done before.

Lee: So it sounds like you actually already have, at least, the beginning workings of a plan. But it's been kind of stuck in that plan mode for a few years now. And when we get to the crux of the matter, if I'm understanding you correctly, it's more of a belief. A,  “Can I really do this? Do I have what it takes to start from the beginning, again, and bring this to life?” Is that fair to say?

Lisa: Yeah, because the overload of responsibilities is a real thing that's really there. But I feel like it's more than that. And so I have to wonder, like, “Am I stopping me? Why am I stopping me?”. So I think what I'd love to get a takeaway from this is, I guess, am I stopping me? If so, why? Maybe I just need permission from somebody who's done it. I don't know. Or even if I think I'm stopping me, and I don't know why, like, how do you overcome that? Without doing another five years of therapy? You know, how do you just start and just do it?

Lee: Yes. So I want to acknowledge the wisdom in what you just shared, which is that there are external obstacles that you're facing. Time is a limited resource, you have a full time therapy practice that is funding your life, paying your bills, paying college tuition, etc. And so that does put some limitations on your time, that is an actual external obstacle that we can discuss. And there's a sense that there may be something internal that's a block showing up as well. So it doesn't have to be “either-or”, it can be “both-and”. So maybe today, we can spend some time exploring them. I'm curious, where feels like the natural place to begin?

Lisa: I’m not sure, actually, it’s about both. Uh, time. Time. I guess I've been battling with time and trying to find balance for so long now. But of course, the other side of me wants to know, like, “What is this internal thing?”. And I kind of want permission. So I don't know, Can I throw that back to you?

Lee: Yes, you can. And again, we can do both. And I'm tempted to kind of follow your train of thought and your energy here. You started with time, and then it shifted more into mindset. So maybe we should just follow that path. What if we start with time as an obstacle, and then see where that takes us? How does that sound? 

Lisa: Sounds good.

Lee: All right. So, tell me more about what comes up for you when we talk about time as being a limited resource, and maybe a limiting factor in getting this off the ground?

Lisa: Okay, well, it got kind of complicated by the pandemic, because my kids came home from college last March. So they were both here. My son went back to school in the fall, and my daughter graduated, but he's still back and forth. So it's this stage of my life that I'm at with launching kids. One is 20, the other one's 23. And the older one is living with me now, they're here. And people tried to tell me this, but I never realized how much time they still need from you at this age. And I feel like it's so precious. That's not going to last forever. They're getting up and out in the next few years. So, I really prioritize them and they take a lot of time. I don't know if all 20-somethings are like this, but mine are. They take a lot of time and I want to embrace that. I don't want to miss out on my life and my love in my life. And so there's that. Also, I’m married. My husband and I, you know, we also spend a lot of time together. And then work, you know, I finally found the balance at work. Like, I'm not burning myself out. I'm not taking on too much. But in order to have enough to pay these college bills, and other things, save for retirement, I don't have the luxury of time. I’m turning people away, unless it's for my own mental health. So those are just competing factors. And I feel like I don't have a lot left after that, because I need to exercise. Which I always struggle with, because, spending enough time with me, spending enough time exercising. I feel like the household administration takes so much time. Like income tax forms, FAFSA forms, like all that stuff.

Lee: Yes, the minutiae of daily life.

Lisa: The minutiae of daily life. In fact, it really upsets me. I will say, my husband does all of the shopping and cooking. So I am so blessed in that way. But I do all the other paperwork stuff, and I always battle with this resentment. I also just carry this real upset, that I feel like this is imposed upon me, and it's not in my control. And I feel like it takes time away from what matters in life. I’m trying to help people and I'm trying to help myself. And I'm trying to enjoy life with my family. And these things are ridiculously time consuming.

Lee: Yes, you know, you bring up such an important point. And what I heard in what you shared was a really clear articulation of what matters most to you. Of what your values are. The fact that you want to spend time with your children, that you know that this time is fleeting. And so the idea of love, connection, family, really comes through there. With your children, with your spouse. And, there's maybe a clashing value with how you're showing up for your work, your profession, serving other people. And then also how you're showing up for yourself. Exercise and finding space for you in the midst of a very busy day. So we have all of these, I might not say competing values, because I don't think any one is more important than the other. But, all of these values matter to you. And because time is our limited resource, how those values get expressed through our activities can feel a little overwhelming at times. How does that sit with you? 

Lisa: Yeah, I mean, I think like you said, those are the things I want to do. And sometimes I feel like that takes everything I have. And then there's all the stuff that I don't want to do, but I have to do. So there's that too. So yeah, even as I'm talking about it, I feel like, when am I supposed to do this?

Lee: And I guess that's my question to you, is when we think about bringing in this coaching element, let's say just for a second in the realm of values and what matters to you. How does this coaching piece play into your life, and what holds meaning?

Lisa: I think about it all the time. It's always on my mind, it's such a strong pull and a calling. But it's not like, “Oh, so altruistic”, like it is. I care, and it's a calling, but I also feel like now is the time to do it. Because, you know, in five years, my husband's gonna retire, we may move. So if I leave the state, my practice will be disrupted. I would have to start from scratch, if I was going to set up another practice in another state. I'm kind of tired of those restrictions, which is why I want to move more into coaching. So I feel like now is also the time to do that, because I've put it aside for so long. Some of these projects I wanted to do even when I was younger. And also because I feel like we need it in order to be able to retire. Like I need some other source of income that's already up and running, if that makes sense.

Lee: It does, and it actually sounds like coaching serves more than one value here. It's an expression of who you are and what matters to you and your message. And it also has the potential to address some of the more day to day issues like bringing in an income, and serving people in a way that has a little more freedom and flexibility, than maybe being a licensed therapist does. So I see it representing a lot of these different values for you.

 Lisa: Absolutely. And like, he may want to retire but I don't want to retire. And I'm a little younger. So yeah, I want to continue with this. But I don't want to just end my practice and then have to start from scratch five years from now. I feel like it's really important to make this transition.

Lee: Yeah, and I get the sense to. If right now, it's 100% therapy practice and 0% coaching, we're not just going to flip it overnight. It's going to be more of a gradual shifting, so that maybe we go from 95% therapy, 5% coaching. And then 90% and 10%. And we can kind of very gently do that progression, versus overnight.

Lisa: Exactly. Like my ideal thing, I think, would be 50% and 50%.  I don't ever really want to give up the practice entirely until I'm ready to retire.

Lee: So what would it look like if we took kind of that gradual approach to building out the coaching piece of your work? What would it look like to shift from 0% to say, 5%? 

Lisa: Well, I would be thrilled. I want to say maybe 10% would be a better goal for me. But until I started listening to your podcast, I really wasn't thinking of it in terms of coaching, one on one. But now I'm open to that idea. I was thinking more of finishing developing these tools that I have to offer. Like, I can do an eight week mindfulness class. I can do a self empowerment class. I can do adapting my panic disorder and agoraphobia treatment program. Because I found that with my clients who don't have panic disorder and agoraphobia, you take out the clinical illness part. And all these messages that are in there have helped so many of my clients who don't have a real diagnosis, like maybe they're going through a period of transition. So adapting that, and so I have this offering, or I will have this offering, this book. So I guess the uphill climb has been to find time to complete these offerings, to work on them and put them together so that I can then go into offering it online. Because that way I can do videos of it. And I don't have to be there for each individual person doing the same thing. So I've been thinking about it that way. But when I was listening to your recent podcast, I'm seeing the real value of also putting people in front of you that are just coaching clients. I feel like I've done that to some degree, but I've done it under the mental health umbrella.

Lee: I think that's fair. And I also think one of the beautiful things about the coaching industry is that there's more than one way to serve people. And if you're feeling called to start by fleshing out this approach, and building your book, and building courses, and that as your platform, then let's honor that. Like, let's follow the energy there. And I want to reflect back, I have the privilege of getting to see you right now, we're on a zoom call. And I could see how your body shifted and your face lit up, as you started talking about, “Okay, I can do this, like I can build this out, I can make this course”. And to me, that's always a sign of, “Okay, we’ve got to follow that energy”, because that's what's lighting you up right now.

Lisa: I'm so glad you picked up on that. Because when it comes down to it, that does get me so excited. Like I just feel so called to do this. I love doing it. I love teaching. And I do it in person, but I can only do it so much. So yes, I really want to bring it out there, put it out there more.

Lee: So let's talk about that. Let's talk about what it might look like to have you bring it out more. I think I heard in there a book. Am I right? Is that what you're seeing? Is the starting point? Or is there another piece to the puzzle?

 Lisa: That's a good question. That's a starting point. I wrote a treatment manual that I use with my clients, and I give it to them chapter by chapter. And yes, I can adapt that into a book. I don't know if it's exactly a book, a workbook, a manual. Like I'm playing with exactly what that looks like. But yeah, that would be the starting point. The other starting point is I have been teaching an eight week class on mindfulness. And in my practice, I call it an anxiety support group, and mindfulness meditation for beginners. But I want to open that up and call it something like stress reduction. Not everybody has an anxiety disorder. Everybody has stress. So it's like stress and mindfulness. So those are the two starting points, which could be like books of some sort. 

Lee: You're speaking my language when it comes to mindfulness and so forth. So I find myself getting excited hearing you speak about that. Let's talk then about what those next steps might be. When you think about, “Alright, I want to see this through. I want to bring this to a larger audience”. Where does your mind go first?

Lisa: Well, I plan for that, too. Meanwhile, I'm doing trainings for other therapists, and they're based on my manual, my treatment manual. So I'm taking a chapter and I'm turning it into a training for therapists, so that others could get this message out there to their clients, too. And that's like the basis for rewriting that training manual and making it into a book. But I started this three years ago, and all I have are two trainings. And I haven't made them into chapters like I did. So time. Like that's time. Like when I schedule a training, and then I have a deadline. And I make it a deadline I know I can meet. That's how I got the two trainings to go forward. But it's the time factor. I plan my week and I say I'm going to work on it, and then the kid needs me. Or then I've had a particularly taxing day with clients, so then I’m spent. And so I keep saying to myself, “Okay, just follow these steps, work on the training, work on the chapter”. But I just find that I'm stuck in that place for like three years now.

Lee: Yes. And I find myself identifying, personally, having written one book and starting on my second and feeling kind of like in a holding pattern for years before each one. So I think that's certainly, albeit an uncomfortable, but a familiar experience for many of us. I also want to reflect back that it sounds like having some external accountability really serves your process. So as you said, when you had these trainings on the calendar that you had to get things prepared for, it got done. You made a commitment, and you saw it through. And so having that external accountability really served you well,

Lisa: Yes, it did. 

Lee: What, if any external accountability, could support you, in your next steps with this book or with this manual? What might that look like?

Lisa: Two things came to mind. I mean, I could keep doing that with the trainings, because I have training number three, and training number four in my head that I want to do. And I could. Although the problem is, I have to get to the point where I feel like I could definitely meet the deadline before I set a deadline with somebody external that I'm accountable to. You know, like, they put it on their calendar, and they advertise it. So it's, like it has been- a person came to my mind, a friend of mine. She's a writer, and she's working on books. And I feel like I could enlist her to help me with accountability. Is that kind of what you had in mind, like that kind of thing?

Lee: It sounds like that could be a really strong option for you, knowing that having that external accountability has been integral to your process so far. And the fact that you have someone who is familiar with the process in the industry, that could be a really great way to move forward. When you think about that, how does it feel in your body to have someone like her as your accountability partner?

Lisa: It actually feels perfect. And I know that she would do it. My only concern, but this is minor, actually, is that, I don't have to do it. She's my friend. But I don't think I would blow it off. I think that would actually help me. Having this accountability set up.

Lee: And because she is a friend, you're right, there is some flexibility there. Which may not be such a bad thing. As we've talked about, you have a lot going on. And so having this additional accountability is meant to serve and support you, not hamstring you.

Lisa: Yeah, I actually like what you said, that flexibility isn't a bad thing if it's balanced by accountability. Like, you know, I had said, “Oh, well, maybe I'll just kind of blow it off, because she's my friend”. But you know what, I think this is actually a huge thing because I can't just put something on the calendar, and then work on it for this training company. Because that's going to cause more stress in my life that I don't need. So here I am always by myself, like just trying to work on it, trying to get to a point where I feel comfortable putting on the calendar. But with my friend, I don't have to wait until I get to that point. Because that's the problem. It's just me alone, and there's no accountability. So she will offer me accountability, and flexibility. So it's not adding stress to my life. And I think that actually is huge. I think that's going to really help. I'm not going to just blow it off because I want to do this.

Lee: Yes. And I think what you've just really articulated that this is a want versus it being a need. You know, when you've got a deadline for a training on the calendar, you need to get that done. And there's nothing wrong with that. But the energy that that brings is like, “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go”. Versus, having this accountability partner who is a friend, that you can go to, that you're choosing to work with. We're really bringing more of that want energy in, I choose to do this.

Lisa: Absolutely. It's like opening up want energy. It's like opening up room for that. I'm really excited about this. I can't wait to call her.

Lee: Excellent. Excellent. What else would you like to have in place to support you in taking the next step?

Lisa: I guess like, yeah, I don't guess. This came to me really strongly when you asked the question. I want to say permission. I don't know. Like, I don't know there's something else that's blocking me. 

Lee: Maybe more internal.

Lisa: Yes. 

Lee: Alright. So, where are you sensing that in your body right now?

Lisa: Right in my chest.

Lee: In your chest, okay. And what's it feel like?

Lisa: Kind of a lockdown. I know I carry so much tension here. And it's been more lately. And it just feels like a cage, it's like locking in my voice. Isn't it interesting, the voice is in here, and it's just shutting everything down. And that is kind of a struggle I've had my whole life, which I've overcome in amazing ways, that I see that it's still here, is trying to find my voice, validate my own voice, express my voice, and have my voice. It's a big deal for me.

Lee: I want to reflect on that image of the cage in your chest, blocking your voice and also blocking your heart. And that connection that the message that you want to share with the world is so heart centered.

 Lisa: Yes. Yes. 

Lee: That all of it is bound up.

 Lisa: I feel that as you're saying it. My heart and my voice are intricately connected.

Lee: Yeah, I sense that. 

Lisa: You're really astute to pick that up. that's crucial.

Lee: I appreciate that, but I'm simply reflecting back what you've shown me. Your hands created that cage around your heart and your throat. And so you've known this all along. That wisdom comes from you.

 Lisa: Yeah, and I don't think I ever really consciously made that connection before. That's what it is. My voice is my heart and my heart is my voice. No, more my voice is my heart. I don't know why.

Lee: Your voice is your heart. So when we think about that, and then we think about that cage. What is that cage doing?

Lisa: Restricting? Squeezing the life out of me, my heart? Yeah, you know, my father comes to mind. I don't know if this is an appropriate session to bring that up.

Lee: It's your call. And of course, we can edit it out later if you would prefer this to not be part of the podcast. 

Lisa: Yeah. I'll just say he passed away like eight years ago, and he taught me something. Yeah, I have this phrase: live out of the loudspeaker of your heart. And what that means is to express your love for other people. Express it, don't hold it back. Don't keep it in. And that's one of the things that I've been working to do in my life, and so successfully in many ways. But it's so interesting. But then here it is, again. Like here it is, again. It's still in there caged.

Lee: Yes. 

Lisa: Part of it, like this part of it.

Lee: How powerful though, that you've always believed, live, say that again, live out of the loudspeaker of your heart.

Lisa: Yes.

Lee: Is that it? That's your voice is your heart. It's all coming back to that. And while in some ways, the cage that we build can feel restrictive, and tight, and confining, like where a prisoner, sometimes those cages can also offer protection. In fact, the image that came to my mind, this might seem a little random, but I was thinking about people who do those shark dives, you know. And they go underwater to see the sharks, but they have to be in that cage in order to be protected, right? If they're too vulnerable, then they could literally die. But yeah, they're at risk. And so I'm wondering about this cage that you've described, is there any way in which maybe it's protecting you?

Lisa: Oh, totally. But it's old. Its childhood. It goes back to childhood. And like I said, I've overcome that in so many ways. But this is like the next level. I always had to protect my identity, my voice, my heart, because of the way I came up. And it was threatening to expose yourself.

Lee: So that cage really has served as a safety mechanism for you. It's protected you. It served you well in times in your life when you needed it. What I'm hearing now though, is that it's moved past serving you and now it's confining, it's restrictive. It's holding you back.

Lisa: Yes.

Lee: Is there a door in this cage? Is there a way out?

Lisa: Oh, what a great question. Yeah, I just kind of saw the cage as a tiger. It's like it's taken on a life of its own. And I don't want a tiger always threatening you with its teeth, you know? I don't want it. I don't want it anymore, obviously. But is there a way out? Is there a door? Great question. It's me- like a long time ago, somebody said to me, “Oh, what you're trying to say is you're stopping you”. Yes, I'm stopping me. Like, I know that kind of intellectually, I guess. But I don't see the door. I don't know exactly what the door is. I feel like that's what my battle has been over the past few years.

Lee: Well, let's go back, the door may not actually be what's resonating. The fact that this tiger image is shared, that's pretty powerful. I get the sense of this tiger kind of prowling back and forth in front of your heart, in front of your voice, making sure that nobody's on the attack, you know. And it's really been guarding and protecting you. And what I heard from you is, “I don't want that anymore”. What would you want this tiger to do instead?

Lisa: Yeah, like when I said the tiger, I felt like the tiger had turned on me. You know, it's attacking me now.

Lee: Oh, my. Yeah. Okay. So it went from your protector to your attacker? Yeah.

Lisa: Yeah. Like, I can't move past it now. Because it's there. It's in the way. And it's like snapping at me and pushing me back. And I don't want it to do that. I want it to roll over. Let me pet its belly just like my cats.

Lee:Well, that's a powerful image.

Lisa: Yeah, it is.

Lee: What does it need to feel safe enough to do that? Because when dogs and cats and animals do that, they're showing their vulnerable underbelly. They're giving us permission. They're showing us that they feel safe. What does that tiger need to feel safe?

Lisa: To not worry about everything. You know, like putting yourself out into social media, I think it is scarier now more than ever. You could slip up, you could be insensitive, you could hurt somebody, like you could really hurt somebody. This is a dilemma that I have. I do this work because I feel like I can make an impact and help people. But if I believe that, then I have to also believe that I could hurt somebody too. 

Lee:  That's fair. And the fact is,I suspect most of us out there, I can speak for myself, I have certainly hurt people. Whether I have intended to or not, intention pales in comparison to impact. I have hurt people before and I have to own that. And I'm sure you have too.

Lisa: Yes.

Lee: Then what comes next after we've hurt someone? After we've made that mistake? What do we do?

Lisa: You own up, and you do everything you can to make it right, and show them your heart. That that wasn't what you intended. But it's kind of scary, I guess, just to feel like- you know I think I had to overcome this in my practice, especially working with suicidal people. What that did, overcoming that, it got me more into the loudspeaker of my heart. I opened my heart to people in spite of the risks. I think I feel like doing that on a bigger scale with people who I've never even met, who are going to see my offerings, that's a little scarier. I think maybe that's- wow, this is amazing. I think that's what it is. What part of it is.

Lee: That would make sense. Yeah. And that cage that is present- what is so fascinating to me, Lisa, is that the cage is there not just to serve you. But in a way, it's like, “I want to make sure that people that I could potentially hurt are protected. So I'm going to cage this in, and I'm going to cage in my voice, so that I don't say or do anything that could hurt someone”. Because that is so antithetical to your values. You know, that goes against everything you believe and how you want to be. And so, “I'm going to make sure that I don't do that. I'm never going to hurt anyone. I'm just going to cage myself in”. But the shadow side of doing that, is that, “I have this message. And it's so important, and it's so valuable, and I want to share it with the world and I can't because it's caged”.

Lisa: I think you just summed it up.

Lee:So where do we go from here?

Lisa: Well, I always tell people consciousness is the first step in change. And I really wasn't thinking about this in this complete package way that we've been discussing it now. And where do we go? I think I have to really spend time thinking about this place. And I think I have to really weigh it and really decide if I want to. I think that unconsciously, that risk was holding me back. So I think I have to decide consciously that I'm going to take that risk. Or not. And use the consciousness about the risk to just help me set protections in place, for myself or other people, like I've done in my individual work, to be diligent and do everything that's within my power to do. And be really clear about what's in my power and what's not in my power.

Lee: Yes. So what I hear you saying is, there's still a period of time for some reflection, some introspection, kind of making sense of all of this. And then moving forward, doing so in a way where you set clear boundaries. So that it's safe for you to share your message. It's safe for people to receive it. And I also get the sense of really trusting the process of knowing that, yes, it is possible, we could say or do something that could hurt someone. And while that's not our intention, it's a possibility. And I trust that if or when that happens, I know how to take the next step. I know how to own it, I know how to make amends. I know how to allow that to inform my practice moving forward.

Lisa: Exactly. And because that's life, right. I mean, we screw up in our families with everything. And that's why I had said, having this time with the kids was so special because they're stuck with us, or at least my daughter is, and she was willing to tell us like all these things from her childhood that I never even knew I affected her this way or that way. So what do you do with that? Like, I can't go back. I can't just say, “Oh, I was awful”, because I wasn't, that's not true, I made mistakes, but I wasn't awful. And, you know, it's actually brought us closer together. Because our hearts are connecting, we're using them as loudspeakers, and we're connecting with each other over it and being closer than we otherwise would have had the opportunity to do. So, it's the same concept.

Lee: It is. What a beautiful model that you can now take and apply on a larger scale.

Lisa: Yeah.

Lee: So when we think about now returning to the project, building out the manual, the book, the workbook, how's it feeling?

Lisa: It feels good. I feel like, regardless of whatever processing I need to do, I just need to sit down and write it. I just need to sit down and complete this, I just need to do it. It's been calling me and I also, on the one hand, can't be focused on the outcome. So many outcomes are above my paygrade. Like, I just need to do this. And then at the same time, I need to process this and really be conscious about what I'm doing. I think if I decide that I am going to walk into this consciously, then I think that's going to remove some of the block and it's going to help me get the tiger on its back. So I could pet it.

Lee: What a powerful, powerful image. Yes. Oh, my goodness. I want to thank you for going on this journey today, of doing this work. It's inspiring, and I'm honored to have been a part of it.

Lisa: Thank you so much. I wasn't sure where this would go or what I would get out of it. Because I feel like I've been talking about these things for so long to so many different people. But wow, like your ability to reflect what you're seeing. I've never conceptualized this whole thing as one piece, the way that you've helped me do this today. This is amazing, and so helpful. You really have a gift.

Lee: Thank you. That means a lot to me, and I appreciate it. And yet I also know that, again, it's about co-creation. And it's your willingness to be here, be present, to show up for your thoughts and feelings, and to do the work. That's where the magic happens. So I want to reflect that back to you. And thank you for being here today.

Lisa: You're very welcome. It's my privilege.

Lee: Anything else you need for our session today to feel complete? 

Lisa: No, I think I'm really good.

Lee: Excellent. Alright. Thank you.

* * * * * * * 

Wow, that to me was just such an extraordinary coaching call. And I credit Lisa for her willingness to be vulnerable, to share, to do that deep introspective work, and then come out of it and to see how she can move forward. So she definitely has some to do's on her list that involves some internal reflection, but also involves reaching out to her friend to serve as an accountability partner, and taking the next step on her work. I know this is just the beginning of Lisa's next step in her journey and I cannot wait to see what she creates next. If you got a lot out of today's coaching call, then I know you are going to find value in the Coach with Clarity Membership as well. Within the membership, there is plenty of opportunity to receive coaching. Whether it's on your business, your relationships, your life, there is room for you in the Coach with Clarity Membership. Whether you take advantage of our monthly hotseat coaching calls and receive targeted coaching directly from me, or maybe you come to our Q&A calls and ask them questions about the ethics of coaching, how you want to build your coaching business, how you can develop your skills as a powerful coach. All of it is welcome at the Q&A calls. We also welcome a guest expert into the membership every month to provide training on business related topics that will help you grow your coaching practice. And we also have monthly co-working sessions so there is dedicated time and space for you to make progress in your coaching business. When you combine those four calls a month with the Coach with Clarity Toolkit that contains all sorts of templates, guides resources, and an individual coaching contract template that you can use in your business, well we basically have you covered over in the Coach with Clarity Membership. So if you are not already a member, I would be honored to welcome you. Just head to CoachwithClarity.com/membership to learn more and join. Alright my friend, that's it for me this week, but I will be right back in your podcast feed next week with another episode. So if you have not already followed the Coach with Clarity Podcast, be sure to do so using whatever podcast player works best for you. You can also check out the most recent episodes at CoachwithClarity.com/podcast. Until then, my name is Lee Chaix McDonough, reminding you to get out there and show the world what it means to be a Coach with Clarity.

 

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