If this is your very first time ever listening to the Coach with Clarity Podcast, well, I want to extend a really special welcome to you. I'm honored that you're listening to this episode, that you found the show, and I know that you will find so much value in the previous 103 episodes that we've published on this feed. And if you'd like even more support, be sure to join the Coach with Clarity Community, it's our free Facebook group. You can find it by heading to Facebook and searching for the Coach with Clarity Community, it'll pop right up and we would love to welcome you there. It's a great place to ask questions, seek support and connect with other coaches who are doing the work right alongside you. And if you are a longtime listener, well thank you so much for coming back week after week, month after month. It means the world to me and you are the reason why I make this show. I cannot tell you how much your feedback means to me. When I see someone shout out the show in a Facebook group or on Instagram or when I get an email from you about how a particular episode really resonated with you, I just want you to know how much that means to me. It absolutely lights me up. And I think I've shared before, I have a folder on my computer desktop, in fact, I'm looking at it right now I've labeled it “Warm fuzzies”. And anytime I get a lovely note, or I see a post on social media about the show, I take a screenshot, I save it in my folder. And on those days where I need a little bit of extra motivation, all I have to do is open up my “Warm fuzzies” file and read all of the lovely things that you have shared with me. It gives me the purpose and the drive and the inspiration to keep going and so I just want to say thank you, I am so grateful. And I am committed to providing you with even more actionable information and support as you build and grow your coaching practice. And not just through this podcast, but through other channels as well. And in fact, this week on March 17th, 2022 I am so excited to be launching a brand new masterclass all about The One Tool You Need to Create a Sustainable, Prosperous Coaching Practice (Without The Overwhelm). So if you're listening to this episode when it drops on Monday, March 14th, you still have a few days to register for this free masterclass. So if you have not done so, be sure to head over to coachwithclarity.com/onetool and we will have a link to that in the show notes. But I want you to head over there to coachwithclarity.com/onetool and register for this week's free masterclass. I am so excited to share this brand new tool that I've created just for you. And in fact in today's episode I'm going to talk a little bit about why I created it what inspired me to share it with you. And then when you attend the masterclass on the 17th you will find out what this tool is and how to use it in your own coaching practice today.

This is not one of those master classes where it is light on content and heavy on a sales pitch. I promise you that when you register for this masterclass you are going to walk away with a tool that you can use immediately that will revolutionize the way you view working in and working on your business. And to be perfectly transparent Yes, there will be an opportunity during the masterclass for you to join the Coach with Clarity Collective, and I'll be talking about that a little bit at the end of the masterclass. But my pledge to you is that when you share your time with me by attending this masterclass, you will walk away with an actionable strategy that you can implement. I don't want this to be all fluff. I want this masterclass to support you in growing your coaching practice. And so I hope you will join me live on March 17th at 1pm Eastern, because I will have a special bonus resource for everyone who was able to attend live. Now there will be a replay available for roughly a week after, but that replay is only available to people who register for the masterclass. So do yourself a favor, head on over to coachwithclarity.com/onetool, that's o-n-e tool and register for the masterclass today, I cannot wait to see you on Thursday, we are going to have so much fun. And I am so excited to share this tool with you, I know you are going to love it. And as I alluded to before, one of the reasons I created this tool was in response to questions and requests I received from my community, including you as a listener, about how to create a successful coaching practice. And interestingly, as I talked more with people who were asking me these kinds of questions, I started to notice two central fears that emerged in these conversations. And this happened with enough regularity that I realized, we need to talk about this on the show. And that's why I've titled today's episode, What Keeps Great Coaches Up at Night, because these two fears are doing exactly that. They are stressing us out. They are keeping us from making progress in our businesses and in our lives. And they are generating all sorts of fear and unwanted emotions. And when I say us, I mean us. I am not immune to this either, my friend. I have heard these fears from my clients, I've heard them from colleagues, and I feel them myself. So we really are in this together. And that's why today I want to shed light on these monsters that are hiding in the dark. Because when we shed light on them, we remove some of that scariness factor. We're clear about what it is we're facing and we can remove some of those shadows. So we're going to shed light on these fears today. We're going to normalize them, I'm going to talk about how it's not a problem necessarily that we have these fears, that they're there by design, and they're actually there to serve us. And then I'm going to spend a little bit of time talking about how these fears can be exploited by other people when it comes to marketing and sales. Because as I'm sure you know, that happens quite a bit. There are some savvy marketers out there who know how to prey on our fears and our vulnerabilities to make us think we absolutely need, what it is they're trying to sell. And so when we're aware of that, when we connect our fears with the sales process, then we can be a more informed consumer, we can decide for ourselves whether we really need something or whether we may be falling victim to someone's fear mongering. And we can then create a marketing and sales process within our own businesses, that does not rely on ginning up people's fears in order to make a sale. Because I know that that is not how you want to operate as a coach. And it's certainly not how I want to operate as a coach either. So we're going to call that out today. 

So let's spend a little bit of time talking about the first fear. And this is a big one, my friends, this is like the Holy Grail of fear. And that is fear of failure. I have seen this fear manifest in so many different ways with so many different clients. But at the end of the day, it comes down to the question, what if I spend all of this time, all of this energy, all of this money on this business and it doesn't work? What if I fail as a coach and a business owner? This is a big question, my friend. And I feel that deeply myself. This is a fear that I face almost every day as a coach and business owner. And it makes sense that this would be such a huge fear because this idea of what if I don't make it threatens our very survival instinct. We are hardwired as human beings to want to stay safe. That's how we stay alive. That's how we continue our species. Evolutionarily speaking, we are designed to prioritize safety. So when we are faced with this fear this question of what if this doesn't work? This is our survival instinct trying to protect us. It's trying to make sure that we take actions that promote our safety and security. And I will be perfectly honest with you. Starting a business or being self employed or being an entrepreneur doesn't always feel very safe. And so it makes sense then that we would be facing this fear on the regular. And let me assure you this fear shows up at every single stage of your business. This is not limited to people who are just starting out and wondering if they have what it takes to make it. I see this fear come up in established coaches who have six, even seven figure businesses who are still worried about failing. They're worried that their next offer or their next launch won't go, or that they won't have sufficient revenue to support the team they have that's helping them. It really doesn't matter where you are, in your coaching journey, fear of failure will be present. It does not disappear just because you've experienced growth. I've been known to joke with my clients that that same fear shows up it's just wearing cuter shoes, or more expensive shoes. Because it can be a broad fear, like, am I going to survive in my business? It can also be a really specific fear. Is this next launch going to be successful? Is this next podcast episode going to resonate with my listeners? Will I be able to maintain this growth or am I going to flame out? So let me pause for a second, because I realize, I might sound like a bit of a downer right now talking about how fear of failure will never go away. But I want to share that with you because I want to normalize this, every single great coach experiences fear of failure at some point in their business, and typically at multiple points in their business. And so my perspective is that the goal is not to eliminate this fear, but instead to see what it is pointing to. I believe anytime we have a fear emerge, it is an arrow. And it is pointing to something that means a lot to us, it's pointing to our values. So as an example, for some people, when this fear of failure emerges, it's pointing to their value of security. They want to feel stable, they want to know that they have what they need to support themselves and the people that they love. And so we can see that this fear is pointing to how much importance a person might place on their security. Now for someone else, this might show up differently, they may have a fear of failure around serving other people. What if I don't show up and serve my clients powerfully? What if they don't achieve what they want? Have I failed them as a coach? That points to a value of service and of how important it is for this person to show up and serve their clients in a meaningful life changing way. Someone else may hold the value of achievement and so fear of failure absolutely threatens that value of achievement. Because if they're not achieving success, then what does that mean and what might that say about them? So this fear can really highlight what it is we value and why it's so important to us. So we can allow this fear to inform who we are, and to help us clarify what matters most. Because when we know what matters most, then we can take action in our business and in our life, that is consistent with those values. So that fear can be a teacher, that fear can actually guide us on our path to living in greater alignment with what matters most to us. But here's the thing that we as consumers need to be aware of, and we as coaches need to be aware of as well. These fears can be leveraged and even exploited by savvy and even shady, other business owners who are marketing their offers as the solution to this fear. Traditional sales strategy really focuses on knowing your clients pain points, and you may have heard that phrase pain points before it's a phrase that I've used too. And I do so with caution, because yes, I think it is absolutely important that we understand what our clients are struggling with, what their challenges are, what obstacles they're facing, and how those are keeping them from achieving what it is they want most. We need to know that because we need to make sure that what we offer, whether it's through our one on one coaching or through a group program or a course or a book, whatever it is we're offering; we want to make sure that it addresses the challenges and obstacles that our clients are facing. That's how we can be of service. And sometimes that gets taken too far. Where instead of allowing our understanding of these fears to better inform how we connect with our clients, they're used to exploit people. That fear is leveraged, so that someone can position their solution as the only solution or the right solution to this problem. And then it becomes “Buy my course,” or “Coach with me, because my way is the only way to get through this fear.” And then sometimes we even add a bit of scarcity or pressure tactics to it by saying, “If you don't do this, now, it's only going to get worse.” And as a consumer, as a potential client, that makes me feel even more anxious and even more fearful. And then I'm in a position of investing from a place of fear. And that is not a great energy to have when first starting out with a new coach or in a program. And that's also why as a coach, I work very hard to ensure that when I have an offer, when I am inviting someone to work with me privately, or when I'm talking about the Coach with Clarity Collective and encouraging people to join, I don't want to do so from a place of fear. I don't want them to think that I'm the only way for them to work through their fears or achieve success in their business. I want my potential clients and members to know that there are many options out there, and mine is one of them. And I'm very proud of it, and I stand behind it. And I would love for them to partner with me in their own success. But I refuse to scare them into working with me. That is not how I roll. And quite honestly, I believe that if people need to resort to scare tactics and fear in order to land a client or get a member, then that speaks to some insecurities they have about their own work, the quality of what they're providing, and their ability to follow through on their promises. A bit of a hot take there, I realize that but I feel really strongly about this. And yes, part of the reason I feel strongly about this is because I've been that client before, I've been that client who has bought a course or worked with someone from a place of fear. And I can tell you, it didn't work. It didn't work. And so that's why I don't want my students or my clients engaging with me from that place of fear. Because no matter how amazing a program is, when we engage with it from a place of fear, when fear is driving the bus, then we are not going to feel good about the process. We may achieve what we want, but it is not going to be pleasant getting it. So rather than engaging from that place of fear, I prefer to engage from a place of possibility. Yes, you are experiencing this fear. It is normal. We all feel it. There's nothing wrong with you. And there are ways to work through this. And here's one way, are you interested in exploring whether this is the way for you right now. And if so, let's talk. That's how I like to engage. So it's not about ignoring the fear and it's not about exploiting the fear. It's about allowing the fear to inform what matters most to us, and what matters most to our clients. And we can use that information then to ensure what we are offering meets our client's needs. And we need to be mindful about how we use this information so that we're using it to center our client's needs, and meet them where they're at, and not manipulate them into working with us or buying our programs from that place of fear. Because it doesn't feel good. I've been there I'm sure you have. And so together let's commit to understanding the power of connecting with a client's fear and the responsibility that comes with that because as coaches we have an ethical responsibility to center our clients best interests. And that's not just when they're paying clients, but I believe that is through the entire process, including when we are marketing and selling an offer. 

Okay, I think I've hammered that point home hard enough. So that is the first fear I want to address today fear of failure. The second fear, the second thing that keeps great coaches up at night is connected to fear of failure. It is fear of rejection. And friend, I'm just going to be transparent with you. This is one I really struggle with. The thought of someone saying no fills me with fear. That could be a client saying no, a colleague is saying no. If I'm pitching myself to podcasts and they turn me down, If I apply to a program and I'm not selected, that rejection stings. Now, I will say I am much better at dealing with rejection now in my 40s than I was when I was younger. But that initial sting never goes away. For me, it's been more about decreasing the time I spend in that place of discomfort that results after hearing no, that time has gotten significantly shorter for me. And I think that's really the goal here. Just as with fear of failure, when it comes to fear of rejection, the goal is not to get rid of it, the goal is to figure out how to manage it, and how to see the gifts in it; to see what it's pointing at. I know for me, fear of rejection is not just about being rejected by a single person. But it also shows up in terms of how I show up publicly, what if someone leaves a terrible one star review of the podcast? What if someone goes into my Facebook group and calls me out in a comment thread? There is a fear of losing credibility and of losing connection with the people that I most want to serve that is very much tied to fear of rejection. That's what comes up for me. And I want to share that with you in case that's something that you experience or that you fear as well. And just like with fear of failure, this is not something that disappears, the further you get into your business, or the more success you have. In fact, for me, the further I've gotten into my business, the higher stakes, it feels. And so that fear of rejection even can feel more daunting, if I allow it to. Now sometimes those of us who struggle with fear of rejection, sometimes what we do is we preempt the other party. So instead of waiting to be told no, we may set things up so that they don't get to say no, it's coming from us.

I have certainly done that. In many ways. I don't share my offer with a person, I assume, they will say no. And so I don't even mention it. Or I don't make the ask, perhaps I'm on a call with someone, and they're talking about what they need. And I don't ask them if they're interested in learning more about how I can serve them. Maybe I don't send the pitch to that big podcast, because I think they're going to turn me down. So why even bother? These are the things we do to protect ourselves from rejection. And when we do that we might protect ourselves from rejection. But then it plays right into that fear of failure. Because we're not putting ourselves out there. We're not being visible, we're not making the ask. And it's really hard to create success in your business. When you're not doing those things. We hold ourselves back, we keep ourselves small, so that we don't have to face rejection, so that we don't have to fail at that. And by doing so, we've created a self fulfilling prophecy. We don't put ourselves out there, we don't succeed and our worst fears become true. My friend, if you have done this, please know this is normal. And this is a another protective strategy we use to keep ourselves safe. When we are accepted by other people, we are safe, we are part of the herd, we are part of the pack, we are protected. When we put ourselves out there, when we're visible, when we ask someone for something, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position, and being vulnerable does not feel safe. And our lizard brain kicks in and says “No, no, no! what are you doing? This is not wise, come on back, play small, play safe.” And so the cycle repeats. So again, the point here is not to eliminate this fear of rejection anymore than it is to eliminate fear of failure. Instead, perhaps what we're invited to do is to look at this as an indication of what it is we're trying to protect, and whether that needs to be protected right now. This really invites us to get clear on our priorities. And sometimes safety needs to be our priority. Sometimes it is not safe for us to put ourselves out there to make the ask, sometimes that little voice is coming up to protect us. And for me, that's actually at the heart of trauma sensitive coaching. Now, if you have not listened to Episode 80, with my good friend, Lisa Kuzman, where she and I talk about trauma sensitive coaching, I really encourage you to do so. Because when we take a trauma sensitive approach to coaching clients and to working with ourselves, we understand the importance of safety and why that is so paramount. We understand how to create a culture of safety in our business and in our work. And we understand how to treat ourselves from that place of trauma sensitivity. Because sometimes based on what we've experienced, it does not feel safe to do something. And it would not feel safe to go against our instincts and try to fight it. So it's really important that we understand that this a fear of rejection is trying to protect us and trying to keep us safe. And then we can ask ourselves, do I need to be safe right now is this a time where safety is called for? And if so, then I'm going to honor that. And I'm not going to put myself out there. But more often than not, in my personal experience, and in my business, it's not a time where safety needs to be a priority. In fact, it's a time where I'm being called to take a risk, to put myself out there, to tell my story, to serve other people. And then I have to ask myself, am I willing to hold on to the discomfort that comes from being vulnerable, from putting myself out there, from opening myself to rejection?

Can I hold on to that discomfort in the service of something greater? In the service of my values, of service, of connection, of freedom? And once I'm clear on that, then it becomes figuring out how to manage that discomfort that comes from fear of rejection. And some of the things I do is, again, get really clear on what matters most to me, what my values are, so that I can ensure that my actions are fully aligned with those values. And it also invites me to think about who really matters. The people who are likely to reject me, the people who are likely to write me off or write off coaching in general – Are they the people that I'm trying to connect with? Are they the people I'm speaking to? And if not, then does their opinion of me really matter? And how painful is it really to be rejected by someone whose opinion really has no consequence in my business. It feels very different to be rejected by someone you care about than someone you don't. But sometimes we allow the people we don't really care about to dictate our choices. So that's a helpful reflection for me. And then I also want to think about who can support me, because when we're facing down our fears, fear of failure, fear of rejection, these are just two that we've talked about today. I know there are many more out there. But no matter what we are facing, when we are doing so with a team of people who are there to support us, it makes it a little easier. So I know I can call on my husband, I know I can call on my Mastermind group, I can call on my coach, I can call on my colleagues and my friends, the people who are there to support me, who will show up and help me through this. So that at least if it's feeling uncomfortable, I don't have to feel this alone. And that's also something that I want to provide them as well. So there's a reciprocity there. And in that reciprocity is connection. And it reminds me that we're all in this together. We're all facing our own fears. It's not always comfortable, but we can do it. And it's so much easier to do it in community with other people. Honestly, that's why I created the Coach with Clarity Collective. I didn't want any coach to feel alone in their journey. I wanted them to have the support, and the knowledge and all of the strategy and tactics they need to create a profitable, sustainable coaching practice. And I wanted them to feel deeply that they didn't have to be alone in this. I will admit, though, that that is also something to be mindful of. Yes, we want to receive support and even guidance from other people. But that can devolve into searching outside ourselves for answers. And assuming that someone else or some program has the magic formula that will help us navigate our fear of failure and our fear of rejection, and will give us everything we need to create a successful business. And we just have to follow what someone else does. And that's not fair either friend, because the magic in your coaching practice is a you it's your strengths, your experiences, your expertise, your inner wisdom, that is at the heart of your business. It's what makes your business different and special. And when we mute that inner voice, and rely exclusively on what someone else is saying or doing, then we lose the heart of our business. So we do want to balance receiving support and guidance and encouragement from other people with our own internal compass, our own inner wisdom. Because it's so easy to fall into that trap of relying on someone else's roadmap or process to guide us through, but we need to balance that with what we know deep down to be capital T true, because our business needs both. Yes, it needs perspective and guidance from others, but not at the expense of our own inner wisdom. And with that, let's go into this week's Clarity in Action moment.

 

This week's Clarity in action moment is brought to you by my brand new masterclass that is coming on Thursday, March 17th, at 1pm Eastern, and in this masterclass, you will discover The One Tool You Need to Create a Sustainable, Prosperous Coaching Practice (Without The Overwhelm). And the reason I love this tool so much and the reason that I am so excited to share it with you is because it works in harmony with your inner wisdom. This is not a one size fits all, cookie cutter, do it my way, type of approach. This tool that I'm going to share with you is flexible, and it's meant for you to take and modify for your own use in your business. This tool is designed to work with your values, your purpose, your vision, and your intuition. So it will not steamroll what you bring to the table. If anything, it will augment it. And that's why I am so thrilled to share it with you. So make sure if you're not already registered for this week's free masterclass, head on over to coachwithclarity.com/one tool and get registered today. There will be a replay if you can't attend live, but I hope you'll join me right at 1pm Eastern on March 17th. And I'll have something special in store for people who are able to attend live. So head on over to coachwithclarity.com/onetool to secure your spot in this masterclass today. 

For this week's Clarity in Action moment, I'm inviting you to reflect on one question. And that question is, what might my greatest fear be pointing to? What is it that my fear is trying to protect? What is it that my fear is trying to tell me? So instead of trying to avoid or push away that fear, let's lean into it a little bit? Let's invite it to sit down for a cup of tea. And let's listen to it. How might it be trying to keep you safe? How might it be pointing to what really matters most to you? And how can that inform your next steps in your business? This question would be a wonderful journal prompt. So I might encourage you to pull out a journal and a pen. It can also be a wonderful coaching question as well. So if you're working with a coach, or if you have a colleague that you trust, this could be the basis of a really powerful conversation. I hope you find it helpful. And I hope you'll share any takeaways or aha moments you have from pondering this question. You can do so over on Instagram, I'm @CoachWithClarity and you're welcome to send me a DM or to comment on this week's podcast thread. You can also reach me by email at info@coachwithclarity.com, and I would love to hear what came up for you and what you might do differently as a result. All right, my friend. You know normally at the end of an episode, I would let you know that we would speak again next week because a brand new episode of the Coach with Clarity Podcast will drop every Monday and if you're following or subscribe to the show, you are going to get that automatically in your podcast feed. Well all of that is true. But again, the good news is we don't have to wait until next Monday to connect because we've got that powerful masterclass on the calendar for Thursday, March 17th at 1pm Eastern, I really hope I see you there. I would love to connect with you. And I know that you are going to get so much out of that The One Tool You Need to Create a Sustainable, Prosperous Coaching Practice (Without The Overwhelm). So head on over to coachwithclarity.com/onetool, register today and I will see you on Thursday. All right, my friend. That's it for me. My name is Lee Chaix McDonough, reminding you to get out there and show the world what it means to be a Coach with Clarity.